Missionary Children - Are their problems unique?

The Other Side of the Coin

Missionary Children – Are their problems unique?   

Another Perspective

 

We all have heard the stories & experiences of missionary children and have been moved by it.  Many times I have personally felt frustrated with the inability to do anything to help relieve the situation.  Recently in a conversation with a friend, I was challenged to look at the other side of the coin.  Are missionary kids (MKs) alone in this situation?  Why did the new term Third Culture Kids (TCKs) emerge?  This is actually a term widely being used in the business world.  Children whose parents belong to wide range of vocations & professions also have cross cultural experiences and cultural identity difficulties.  The simple fact is that there are many children other than missionary children who also share similar experiences. 

Many parents send their children to boarding schools for various reasons.  This happens not just to parents who are in a missionary career, but also other parents who are in professions like medical care, business management, industrial enterprises, farming, Defence establishments and government service etc., How do these children cope with the situation?  How does the family and their employers rally around the children? We need find out how public sector companies, multinational corporations and governments take care of their employees.  There are many good and bad examples.  Western mission movement has a much longer history than us and they have developed many systems to care for the missionary and his family.  On the contrary the Indian mission history is only half a century old and we must learn from others.

The problems of missionary families may be complicated since most often they are economically challenged and also are subject to attacks from the spiritual dark forces.   Apart from this all children who go to boarding school have both positive and negative experiences.  Missionary children are no exception.  All is not well with those children who get to stay with their missionary parents.  They also face the risk of similar emotional & psychological scars like that of boarding school kids right in their homes.

On many occasions, self pity seems to be a major cause for the lack of coping skills in missionary families. Casual comments like “I am a missionary, therefore I am unable to provide all the needs”, “I am a missionary, so I have to send my child to a boarding school” are self destructive. I have witnessed parents who have terminally ill children or physically / mentally challenged children and yet face the situation with the joy of the Lord.  Even though others may sympathize, they have never shown signs of self pity. Why do more pastors or missionaries family get entangled into self pity. Lack of systematic and regular de-briefing for mission personnel have contributed to the emotional and psychological break down of many missionaries, their spouses and children.  The psychological care has been neglected over the years due to misconceived spiritual reasons.   Much causality can be avoided if proper care is provided.

Another important feature of the problem is the theological and missiological understanding of a missionary career and the call of God. God’s call is there for every vocation in life.  A call to become a missionary, pastor or ‘Christian worker’ is not superior to that of other vocations.  God calls different kinds of people into a mission career and each of them have different needs.    However, many times the leadership has tried to impose its own understanding of simplicity, sacrifice and commitment on the mission personnel.  Therefore mission management policies, administrative policies and financial policies are not people friendly.  They are more focused on achieving goals and fulfilling vision.  Many of our practices and policies are influenced by communist and socialist ideologies which are not scriptural.  Some of the existing policies promote dependency on existing structures, leadership, schemes and even donors.  An ethos of personal responsibility for planning and meeting the family needs is not cultivated.  

A related feature of the problem is the perspective of the ordinary Christian believers about a missionary and his family.  Many of them do not understand that missionary and his family have similar economical needs like they do.  The idealistic expectation that all missionaries can happily live with minimal financial provision is not practical.  There are some families with special needs.  Some families have dependent parents whose care is neglected due to lack of sufficient funds.  There are also families with children who are physically or mentally challenged and require special care which needs to be supported.  I met a missionary, who found it difficult to feed their children during their boarding school holidays, since their allowances did not provide for that.  Mission promoters, leaders and pastors must educate the believers and lay leaders about the actual need of the missionaries.  The church at large must realize that God holds them responsible for the care of missionaries and families.  If there are causalities on the mission field, it is either because of the failure of the leadership or the mission supporters to be good stewards of the resources God has entrusted to us.  May the Lord forgive our sins of omission and commission in caring for our children!  Le us pray that the Lord will give wisdom to parents, leaders and mission supporters to take appropriate decisions in caring for our children.  

Published in 'Indian Missions' Quarterly Journal of India Missions Association, Hyderabad, 2006